Fear of fat

At the moment, my singular fear is getting fat.

I know, this is a selfish, vain concern. And you don't need to tell me that there are a million and one other things that I should be more worried about. Yet, here I am, obessing about the weight I'm going to gain and the few extra pounds that are already calling my body home.

Supposedly, I'm to gain 25-35 pounds! But what really terrifies me is the 10, 20, 30 or more extra pounds I'll pack on! To be honest, I don't know where this fear of fat comes from. I've always been a rather "healthy" gal and I've never concerned myself too much with my weight - as long as I was eating the right foods, exercising and fitting into my clothes it didn't matter what the scale said.

Not so anymore. The weight scale has become my most used appliance in my household and I pay it homage at least once a day.

The other night while speaking to my mother, I shared with her my fear of fat. She got very serious and provided the following sage advice: "Eat. Eat everything and anything. Don't think about it; just eat it. It's all good. Now's the time! Later, you can diet and lose it."

Of course, coming from my mother - who in her last pregnancy nearly doubled her weight (she gained more than 80 lbs), and like those models or movie stars you'd like to pierce with a bow and arrow, reverted back to her thin figure within 3 months - gaining and loosing an incredible amount of weight seems possible. But, with my metabolism and sheer love of food, I'll likely become yet another woman who reminisces about their youth when they were thin and beautiful!

As much as I want to listen to my mother and just enjoy as many plates of pasta as my stomach can hold without imploding, I just can't do it. I wish I could, but I just can't!